So we went mugging together.
I really really missed the days spent with both Mopy and Ommie. (and listening to them converse is half the fun)
Saturday, November 21, 2009
The rose- I love these portions of the lyrics, says a lot about life, says a lot about people, about fear, about courage, about trying and about living.
It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give,
and the soul afraid of dyin' that never learns to live.
When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been to long,
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong,
just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snows lies the seed that with the sun's love in the spring becomes the rose.
everyone, stay strong, hang tough, live life. =)
10:22 AM
Thursday, November 12, 2009
YAY!
Kudos to never touching GP ever
and completing chem p3 for the first time!
4:20 PM
Monday, November 2, 2009
I've got a lot a lot to say, & I promise I'll do it the moment i touch the computer after A's :)
9:20 PM
Sunday, September 20, 2009
I've never had to worry about having sufficient to spend.
I've never had to juggle work and studies simultaneously so as to earn myself allowance.
I've never had to work for such a long period, although I'm so tired.
Hearing from him makes me feel really helpless, I want to help him but I don't know how to. Life's really too good for me, in such a comfortable home and spending a lot of money on nothing but food, while he has to earn his own allowances. He seemed so so weary from the long working hours.
May you be well and happy.
//edit: i'm itching to revamp my whole blog and photoshop for 72 hours. i feel inspiration flowing. Wait. post-it that for post-A's; if i even have time.
and klyn's blog:
I miss you all, mugging, exploiting my brain for math, talking rubbish, whining, complaining, eating. meh. now YOU got me sentimental. aw. i want a big beary hug (hairy bug).
sidenote: klyn you no longer quack =(
and. I keep thinking about your cookies and cream nickname that i demand oreo. now.
8:30 PM
Thursday, September 10, 2009
=DDD
Until today, I can vividly remember the lines of my character back in 2007.
I loved drama, and I still do. I fought my way into LD back in 2004.
It was the fun of taking up another character; to understand every single nuance and habit of that persona; to learn to speak like that him; act like him, laugh like him; become him once you step onto the stage that echoes a need to be filled with life.
But I've never been an outstanding actor in my 4 years of being in LD.
Thinking back, I realised why. It was the struggle to let go of the "me, I and myself" that held me back, that restricted me from taking the character of another fully, just for that 20 minutes.
To be honest if I stepped on stage once again, to do that play once more, I'm not sure if I'd be able to let go of that ginormous huge ego and attachment to self, but I'd love to try.
Then again, life's a stage, or at least many say so.
Time to learn to let go, pursue, make mistakes, learn.
& I aspire to.
10:00 AM
Thursday, July 23, 2009
The Tangerine art of mindfulness
"When you children peel a tangerine, you can eat it with awareness or without awareness. What does it mean to eat a tangerine in awareness? When you are eating the tangerine, you are aware that you are eating the tangerine. You fully experience its lovely fragrance and sweet taste. When you peel the tangerine, you know you are peeling the tangerine; when you remove a slice and put it in your mouth, you know that you are removing a slice and putting it in your mouth; when you experience the lovely fragrance and sweet taste of the tangerine, you are aware that you are experiencing the lovely fragrance and sweet taste of the tangerine. The tangerine Nandabala offered me had nine sections. I ate each morsel in awareness and saw how precious and wonderful it was. I did not forget the tangerine, and thus the tangerine became something very real to me. If the tangerine is real, the person eating it is real. That is what it means to eat a tangerine in awareness.
Children, what does it mean to eat a tangerine without awareness? When you are eating the tangerine, you do not know you are eating the tangerine. You do not experience the lovely fragrance and sweet taste of the tangerine. When you peel the tangerine, you do not know you are peeling the tangerine; when you remove a slice and put it in your mouth, you do not know that you are removing a slice and putting it in your mouth; when you smell the fragrance or taste the tangerine, you do not know that you are smelling the fragrance and tasting the tangerine. Eating the tangerine in such a way, you cannot appreciate its precious and wonderful nature. If you are not aware that you are eating the tangerine, the tangerine i snot real, the person eating it is no real either. Children, that is eating a tangerine without awareness."
-Old Path White Clouds
I was reading this paragraph while eating an apple and it suddenly occurred to me- mindfulness is something so small, so subtle, so easily practiced, yet I have not been putting in a conscious effort to practise it and integrate it into my speech, actions and thoughts. At that point, my daily dosage of apple became exceptionally refreshing, the fragrence of the apple was never as distinctive as before and the juice felt... shiok.
It's something so simple, something that we can do without having to spend additional time on, we can do it in the midst of our daily lives, but, how many of us, including myself, actually fail to put in such an effort to live our every moment consciously? As much as it has been emphasised once and again that mindfulness is the fundamental practice of a Buddhist, sometimes, a reminder/refreshment course is needed to give ourselves a boost, and this little passage i read played the role of a milo bar amidst my insane mugging sessions.
So, I made a resolution, to make an exceptional effort to watch my actions, speech and thoughts.
Then i realised, I became a lot less noisier than before- when a thought arised, it disappeared at the very next instant and there was no need to speak of it. When I recalled something in the past, the awareness that I am being attached to something that is already over, allowed me to let go of the thought very naturally. When I find myself dreaming about what's for lunch, my attention turned back to the lecturer instantaneously. It never felt so easy to pay attention in class or concentrate on mugging. Whenever I felt tired/exhausted, that thought of exhaustion actually diminished and if I didn't hang on to it, my energy gets recharged! It was as if I was living every single moment afresh, every moment was a new beginning that was rid of the past and the future- it was.. sensational.
It was a mini nibanna. =D
10:13 PM
Only with understanding can one love
Without understanding there can be no love. Each person's disposition is the result of physical, emotional and social conditions. When we understand this, we cannot hate even a person who behaves cruelly, but we can strive to help transform his physical, emotional and social condition. Understanding gives rise to compasion and love, which in turn give rise to correct action. In order to love, it is first necessary to understand, so understanding is the key to liberation.
'Respected teacher, without understanding love is most difficult. It reminds me of something that happened to my sister Bhima. One night she cried all night long until my sister Bala lost her patience and spanked Bhima. That only made Bhima cry even more. I picked Bhima up and sensed that she was feverish. I was sure her head ached from the fever. I called Bala and told her to place her hand on Bhima's forehead. When she did that she understood at once why Bhima was crying. her eyes softened and she took Bhima into her arms and sang to her with love. Bhima stopped crying even though she still had a fever. Respected Teacher, I think that was because Bala understood why Bhima was upset and so i THink that without understanding, love is not possible.'
-Old path, white clouds
Scenarios like this have definitely occurred to me many times and I have to admit that impatience/frustruation/anger often manifests me whenever I fail to understand the need of the other party. I remember I once had a MINDS beneficiary who was hyperactive and almost non-verbal, all she could manage was "yes", "no" and all the rest she spoke came to me as "mama" or "papa". I tried to decipher what she was saying, tried to listen to her but I lost my patience after a couple of hours.
Come to think of it, many atimes, conflicts arise because we don't truly understand the needs of the other party and how the other person is looking at the picture. Otherwise, we don't understand what irritates another person and hence commit an action that incurs his/her wrath. If we could understand how another person looks at things, perhaps we could accept that there is an acceptable reason and hence make a compromise!
Even thinking of mugging, we only come to appreciate the subject only when we finally understand the underlying concepts and discoveries that make learning interesting!
9:48 PM
Sunday, June 28, 2009
SDBF 2009
4:01 PM
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
I miss sbm. =(
I miss ycamp =(
I miss ycon =(
10:06 PM
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Y Camp Challenge June 2009
Kungfu panda Kungfu panda
Ooh la la
Aye yie yie yie yie yie yie
Kungfu panda Kungfu panda
Ooh la la
Aye yie yie yie yie yie yie
Dum dum dum dum Panda!
Dum dum dum dum Panda!
Dum dum dum dum
Dum dum dum dum
Dum dum dum dum
Panda!
Y Camp this time was an entirely different experience for me, compared to last year's.
Day 1 was bad.
Day 2 was fine.
Day 3 was THE BOMB.
I have to admit it was a roller coaster ride, but I enjoyed the ride, the adrenaline rush, the excitement, the challenge and the sense of achievement.
I've learnt so much, despite the weariness from the physical exertion as well as the lack of sleep, I found it less tiresome to push my limits, because I was motivated- by each and every one of my beneficiaries; they put in all their efforts to overcome the obstacles and by every single one of my volunteers; the patience and encouragement they displayed to each and every single buddy in the group.
It was exhausting for us to take care of the buddies for these three days and two nights; what about their parents who have to take these roles every single day, without a break?
It was challenging for us to climb the elements and face our fears, what about our buddies? It would have been tougher.
Many times, when we felt down and tired, we needed encouragement. What about them? They would need ours too.
In fact, I'd like to share about my experience in this camp.
Armanda has cerebral palsy, so she was wheelchair bound and the activities that she could engage in were extremely limited, but she smiled through the day. She was happy, even watching her team mates climb on and fervently encouraged them.
When aiding her with her toileting needs, I knew that I brought her a lot of discomfort, she was shaking. I continuously apologised to her for causing her so much pain, but she never blamed me. She would encourage me on, she told me it was okay, she told me she knew I was trying my best. Her encouragement pushed me on. She taught me consideration, she taught me optimism, she taught me perseverance.
I shared my experience with her, the issues I faced in my personal life and she told me, time and again:
When you feel down, think of me.
Buddies can provide you with support and encouragement as much as you provide them with it.
I had a fantastic team together with me. My fellow forever hungry panda- Jing.
Huiying, Yuezheng, Miaoyin, Yeechuin, Joanne, Fionna, Daryl, Yanzhi, Eileen, Huihui, Ilham, Allan, Kanin, Winnie, Lisa.
You guys are really a great bunch, pushing on together, encouraging each other on, shouting your throat hoarse, opening up to the team, helping and looking out for one another, your sky high patience level, your perseverance. Thank you so so much.
Panda panda, wo ai ni.
I didn't want camp to end and I can't wait to see you guys again.
Y Confidence, I was upset to realise that, the chances of me seeing the girls once again were slim. I never knew that small little things that I did brought them so much, and their affirmation for me brought me a lot of encouragement to continue to strive on, and reach out.
They've truly left me foot prints in my heart, and I wanna thank them for this experience.
Six months passed so quickly and before I knew it, time was up. We've been through multiple sessions together, we've shared our experiences with one another, we've cheered one another on, we've broken the ice.
we've formed the SCB club.
we've become monkey and monkey baby buddies.
we've learnt from each other.
we've built a friendship.
Thank you so so much.
This is the closure of one phase of my life, and the opening of a better, more motivating and power packed one!
7:02 PM
Mabel
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