Tribute to the Mocha

2011-12-13T00:11:00.001+08:00

at this point in time, there is no peace in me. can't you just be a little more understanding?

2011-12-11T21:35:00.002+08:00

期望就是失望的开始。很可惜也可喜的，我总是老学不会。一而再，再而三地上这堂客，不止没学到东西，反而变得厌倦、更厌倦。每当痴痴地以为还有相信地理由，到头来才发现，其是一开始根本就没有。老是喜欢报着期望，最后跌地落花流水，反而被责怪是我在发小姐脾气。好累，好累。我不要期待了，也许这样才会懂地知足。这样，还有意义吗？

2011-11-28T23:44:00.001+08:00

人与人之间的许许多多，令我感觉有点厌倦了。为何不能简单一点呢？

Talking

2011-11-19T22:52:00.002+08:00

Talking to people is so therapeutic isn't it? Especially when you talk to people whom you're so close to, people who can relate with you, people who can comfort you. It feels so nice.

Knowing that you were there for someone important to you at the lowest points of their lives feels good too, isn't it? For the joy that the person has survived it, for the joy that you were trusted, that you are now closer to the person, for the joy that you learn from it as well. At that point in time, the immense amount of loving-kindness and compassion that arises in you is comforting and motivating in itself.

Most of us have people in our lives who constantly look towards us when they need a talking companion. How can we ever reject them? We don't; because we love them in one way or another.

But what happens when, at a point, there are too many people who look towards us when they need a talking companion. They're quick to pour all their sorrows out to us; and we're kinda expected to reciprocate with some sort of solution. At least, we expect ourselves to reciprocate with some kind of solution-- which we cannot always do. And then we dwell on this matter, we think about it, we make others' problems ours.

I guess I got to learn to empathize, but not make it my problem. I'm still learning, so give me some time while my energy gets repleted, for now. Just for now.

Closing Time

2011-09-09T21:59:00.002+08:00

I know who I want to take me home,
I know who I want to take me home,
I know who I want to take me home,
Take me home

Been pondering on a topic for almost a year, took a lot of courage to share it.

I'm not crazy

2011-09-09T21:58:00.001+08:00

All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me that
I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good

Bed of Lies

2011-09-09T21:49:00.000+08:00

No I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning
I am

Don't think that I can take another empty moment
Don't think that I can fake another hollow smile
It's not enough just to be sorry
Don't think that I could take another talk about it

Just like me you got needs
And they're only a whisper away
And we softly surrender
To these lives that we've tendered away

No I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning
I am

Don't wanna be the one who turns the whole thing over
Don't wanna be somewhere where I just don't belong
Where it's not enough just be sorry

Don't you know I feel the darkness closing in
Tried to be more than me
And I gave till it all went away
And we've only surrendered
To the worst part of these winters we've made

No I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning
I am

I am all that I'll ever be
When you - lay your hands
Over me but don't go weak on me now
I know that it's weak
But God help me I need this

I will not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning
I'm marking it down to learning
'Cause I am

2011-08-21T15:57:00.000+08:00

The sky is the limit
And I just wanna flow
Free as a spirit on a journey of hope
Cut the strings and let me go
I'm weightless, I'm weightless
Millions of balloons heading to the ground
Weight of the world tries to hold us down
Cut the strings and let me go
I'm weightless, I'm weightless,
I'm weightless, I'm weightless...

2011-08-17T23:23:00.000+08:00

A few days ago, I felt so so so so disappointed.

Verse for August 18, 2011

230. What people expect to happen
Is often different from what actually happens.
Thus does disappointment arise.
This is the way the world works.

Sutta Nipata 588

Manage my expectations!

2011-08-13T00:11:00.001+08:00

far far away land

2011-08-12T20:38:00.001+08:00

why. why. why. I don't understand and I can't understand. why why why.

2011-08-08T21:27:00.001+08:00

recently i've become very teary with this sense of immense joy whenever i feel the connection between the Buddha, Dhamma, Sangha and me... and I have no idea how i can ever describe how it feels like.

2011-08-08T00:35:00.005+08:00

I have a habitual tendency to take the first path. I shall learn to just eliminate it!

2011-07-24T02:10:00.001+08:00

we all want to feel great, and to do that we need to be part of something great. Being a part of something great means to be a reason why it has become great, because we have contributed in one way or another. If you're never gonna take the step to contribute to these great things, you're never gonna realise how it feels to be great.

i don't wanna give up because i know there has to be reasons for it. These reasons are conditions that I may/may not control. Until I find out that all the reasons cannot be controlled, I'm gonna keep trying and trying and trying and trying.

2011-07-13T23:47:00.003+08:00

Been busy like a bee. What happened to my relaxing holidays!

As much as I have been getting less rest that I think I should be getting,
as much as I have been being home less than I thought I would be,

I feel like I'm finally back to the simplest reason that I started. Being grounded to it once again, not only do I feel immense joy, I feel immense peace with myself and with the world around me.

The reason I started to serve in SBM.
The reason I started to serve in the Y.

I might be very very busy, but I actually find my spiritual life more fulfilling-- because I am cherishing a lot of moments to cultivate myself and to practise the Dhamma.

Recently I've been thinking: how can I use the Dhamma to work with the volunteers?
How can I use to Dhamma to make an organisation grow?

And finding answers (not perfect, but still applicable) to these uestions further affirms my faith in the Triple Gems. It affirms me of our vision-- Bringing Joy to Oneself and Others through the Triple Gems.

The sense of joy actually stemmed from the realisation that the application of the Dhamma has made myself or someone else's life better, even if it is just a tiny bit.

I might be very very busy, but I find myself more aligned to my personal goals--
of wanting to cultivate myself spiritually,
of wanting to continuously learn with a humble heart,
of wanting to swim+run regularly,
of wanting to serve the Buddhist Community
of wanting to serve people with special needs.

I found a lot a lot of motivation in doing my research job-- it's seeing what I learn in Psychology being put into practice.

It is the exact same feeling when I see how the Dhamma can be applied into my daily life.

It is the exact same feeling when I see how the leaders from Lions could apply the workshop materials to their activities and reflections.

It's truly amazing, to see how the teachings of the Buddha-Dhamma impacts my life.

It's truly amazing, to see how the psychological theories can be applied to help an organisation grow.

It's truly amazing, to see how words don't stick as it is-- they are being put into actions. Being put into action, with commitment, results are appalling.

When we commit what we learn from the Buddha's teachings into actions, results are appalling.

2011-06-22T11:54:00.001+08:00

2011-04-07T13:43:00.005+08:00

Hello Blog. It's been a while since I've been writing on you.

Today I'm urged to blog because I'm feeling really thankful and happy that I'm in Psych. This post is to celebrate our first picture together-- the girls that have been scanning notes for me when I miss lectures or lessons, coaching me in Korean, shitting with me after lectures, talking rubbish with me. You girls make me love school ♥♥♥

2010-09-20T16:32:00.001+08:00

Maybe it's time to pursue. 1,3,5.

2010-08-14T00:44:00.002+08:00

I'm so tired.
Tired of being the only one who cares and gives a damn.
Tired of salvaging things that others have screwed up.
Tired of placing hope in broken promises.
Tired of pretending that everything is okay when i'm not.

I'm so tired, after today, I give up.

2010-08-13T00:18:00.002+08:00

I still haven't sat down to practise my cello, or finish my notebooks, or do the blogshop, or make the accessories. Life is crazehh. Crazeh= busy.

Then the other crazy part- my phone dropped into the train tracks. Paul/Josh's car got hijacked.

And school's starting, after meeting awesome NYS people, none of which come from my course :(

Hostel, a new experience.

And finally, Nesty's last 17 hours in army. and off to batam with ♥

Paradox of our time

2010-07-24T13:50:00.000+08:00

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but
shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but
have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller
families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less
sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems,
more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little,
drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too
little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too
much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a
living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've
been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street
to meet a new neighbour. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've
done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but
polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write
more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to
rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to
produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods, and slow digestion, big men and small
character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of
two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are
days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night
stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to
quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and
nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to
you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just
hit delete.

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going
to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to
you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your
side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is
the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but
most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from
deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for
someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to
speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away

2010-07-05T23:25:00.002+08:00

Perhaps before we do something, especially spurred by emotions, we should sit down and think: can we sustain it or not?

When we start doing something out of enthusiasm, we prove to people that we can do it.
When we don't start doing anything, people will tend to think that we are unable to, hence we don't start it.
When we stop doing something we started to, people might not see that it's because we are no longer able to. People tend to see it as, we have the ability to do it. but we don't want to anymore, or we don't care anymore.

Mankind is attached to the idea of permanence, so should they manage their expectations or should we think about sustainability.

2010-06-09T23:31:00.002+08:00

When we make comparisons, we're dissatisfied.
It's best that we don't, so there is nothing better off, neither is there anything worse off.

Just disappointed, maybe.

/edit: then I closed my eyes, suddenly, looked at it, and shrugged it off because it was a desire. happy girl again.

2010-06-09T01:09:00.001+08:00

When you have taken a wrong path in life, and your other half steps in to remind you of what buddha has taught us, it's when you know that you have found a spiritual partner.

Thank you ernest=]

y camp, oei.

2010-06-08T00:35:00.002+08:00

Every individual leads differently. But perhaps I really suck at it, because I've yet to find that delicate balance. I'm sorry, Looney Tunes.

I believed that for a team to work together, leaders have to work on the same level as their team, so that the ownership belongs to all.
I'm sorry, because I have been crazy with you guys such that now you guys are not aware of the time to play and the time to work.

I believed that leaders played the role of facilitation- to listen to the team's views before consolidating a decision that belongs to the team.
I'm sorry, because this has passed off as being indecisive and being time-wasting, and many of you found the commitment level being too high.

I believed that by doing the bulk of things for you all, it was leading by example.
I'm sorry, because by doing for you guys, I have failed to let you guys learn through practice.

I believed that by first setting expectations without pulling a black face, meant that a mutual agreement has been reached and will be remembered.
I'm sorry, because by doing this, I have allowed you guys to underestimate the importance of commitments. Perhaps by being too easy-going, I have also failed to allow you guys to deal with demands.

I believed that by the being above, it meant respecting the team as fellow work mates.
I'm sorry, because I have failed to pass anything on to you guys as a camp commandant.

Now that camp is just two days away, I hope you guys can bring home the enjoyment. This is the only thing that I could probably have passed on to you guys, at the expanse of growth.

2010-06-05T21:33:00.001+08:00

the most insensitive thing to say when someone is pissed is that the person is badtemptered/angsty/emo.
fm.

2010-06-01T18:34:00.003+08:00

Thank you for listening to my point of view, although you felt that it was ridiculous, thank you for respecting our decision and thank you for thinking for us.

Actually today you gave me another perspective, you boosted my confidence in a way, you reassured me in a way. Once again you have helped me.

thank you=]

2010-06-01T17:17:00.003+08:00

bad news, tea and coffee is becoming part of my daily diet again =(

Thankfully, after the initial panic that volunteers were not signing up, people appeared and started flooding us.

Through these five months there has been a lot of emotional struggle, there has been ups, so high, and downs, so low that I didn't even know what I was doing so much for.

Last Thursday I bade goodbye to all my dear Pathlighters, and it started to occur to me once again, it's this difference that I was looking for. The touch of meeting someone who was so hard to communicate with and understand, and then forming a bond that caused flowing tears when it was time to part. Thank you Pathlighters, I have learnt so much and gained so much from all of you, despite times when I fell asleep standing in lessons. You guys have given me a lot of strength in the coming camp.

It's the same for Ycamp, this initial joy that I felt from such interaction, I hope to spread this goodness and this sense of contentment to all who have had the opportunity to interact with our beneficiaries through the camp. Yes, and it's less than two weeks to the end of Ycamp. It'll be end of a mad mad life, but perhaps I'll start to miss the times when I have to slog my guts out for the camp.

And dear boyfriend, I'm sorry I was so pissed off last night, I know that you are busy with Lions and I am busy with Y and we barely get to meet one another, not even for shrek or dinner =( I should have understood your intent instead of throwing tantrums at you =( when Y camp ends, girlfriend will be returned. Girlfriend who does not steal your shoes. We'll walk a long way with that pair of spongy shoes.

2010-05-11T12:19:00.002+08:00

Y Camp Challenge is an outdoor adventure camp for people with special needs. Through the camp, we aim to develop the potentials of both our volunteers as well as our buddies through team-bonding activities, high elements as well as water elements.

It will be held from 9 to 13 june 2010.

Do send in your applications as soon as possible. To obtain application form, do email ycampchallenge10@gmail.com or call Mabel at 81396303.

Camp fee is $30.

We are also in need of two videographers.

We look forward to seeing you at Y Camp June!
Cheers,
The Y Camp June 2010 Committee

2010-04-29T23:33:00.002+08:00

Today I told my student to stop waiting for people to carry her things for her. She has to carry it herself, it does not magically teleport from one point to another.

While discussing about my shortage of volunteers for Y Camp with Chaos, he made me realise so much I can do. Hunt, scout, search, ask, push for contacts of JCs.

And guess what? I found it.

Stop waiting and asking why volunteers are not appearing. it's because i was not looking hard enough!

Same with life, are you waiting for things to happen? Or are you doing things to make it happen? It's not that there are no opportunities around me, it was just that I did not realise that there were so many! Now that I have, GRAB IT AND MAKE THE BEST OUT OF IT.

are you going to continue to sit on an egg, hoping it'll hatch a chick but it's actually unfertilized?

2010-04-15T20:53:00.004+08:00

It was supposed to help me grow but now i'm feeling as if i've shrunk against the whole world.

I thought that I was supposed to be more courageous to face challenges and yet I feel as if I've been sucked of every single drop of my bravery.

I thought that it would ignite my passion more yet I'm losing touch.

I thought that I was supposed to make a difference yet now I'm different.

I really don't want to do it anymore.

/Hold up... hold on... don't be scared

You'll never change what's been and gone
May your smile... Shine on... Don't be scared
Your destiny may keep you warm.

Cos all of the stars are fading away
Just try not to worry you'll see them some day
Take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

Get up... Come on... why you scared
You'll never change what been and gone

2010-03-30T21:55:00.002+08:00

it hurt so much, so pain.
and it all faded away when i realised, it was because my stupid phone played me a prank.

and i learnt a lesson. I love you.

2010-03-30T21:35:00.002+08:00

At first I thought the organisation of the Public Talk by Venerable Mahinda was something that I would learn organisational skills from, and yes I did undoubtedly.

What caught me by surprise was the satisfaction, motivation and inspiration that I actually got from this event, when we rounded it off with Venerable Mahinda's short speech to us, and everyone recited, so unanimously, as one SBM, with one heart,

Namo Buddhaya
Namo Dhammaya
Namo Sanghaya.

For once I thought i truly felt what it meant by the resonation of sounds, because my heart followed suit, and all i had in my mind was: with this faith and unity, we will bring happiness to our youths, to other youths as well as to all sentient beings through the practice and the propagation of the Dhamma.

I felt so proud of all of our youths and the group, and I'm not fearful to announce, that people were impressed by the dedication that you guys have to the Buddhist Community.

And of course I really have to thank Eugene who tanked so many things for me, especially the logistical preparations.

With this, I shall end off with the aspiration that all the youths continue to strive to bring the Dhamma to ourselves and others, be it through kind actions or words. With whatever challenges we face we shall face it with wisdom, faith and unity.

=]

2010-03-17T00:28:00.000+08:00

today i made yangshun pissed
by saying he looks like an orangutan.
Sorry Labbie.

Tom and Chaos,
Thanks so much for the effort, the pep talk, the next three months will be crazy, but I'll remember, who I'm doing all these for.

2010-03-15T15:33:00.002+08:00

Thank you for ploughing through the IT fair.
I was so tired and too lazy to think
I think you were tired too but you became my brain.

Thank you =D

Lomo cam- my first 2 rolls

2010-03-03T23:03:00.004+08:00

2010-02-26T23:51:00.002+08:00

Maybe it's a sign,
that i held on too loosely, gave it a shake, and it tumbled,
With my heart.

2010-02-08T11:29:00.003+08:00

Yay I'm finally feeling alive again, getting all motivated and oriented with what I am up to do for the year ahead of me.

Work has been especially enjoyable, albeit exhausting at some point in time. Everyday I'm learning new things, discovering more about myself and my students, which is the point of the job in itself.

I would say this bulk of motivation that I've gotten comes from an interaction with one of my students last week. With metta towards him as compared to the norm, which are strict orders and instructions, he actually reacted very positively towards it. Although I failed at the first try of getting him to listen to instructions and be nice, I learnt. I learnt that I should always try different ways and approaches when the status quo doesn't work, even when all the rest are doing something "conventional".

With Ycamp, which is keeping my life busy, I really want to relive the dream, the motivation and the satisfaction that I got from the first and second Ycamp I attended. I would hope that the committee, with this common goal of bringing joy to our beneficiaries and a platform for emotional growth of the volunteers, become bonded, to support one another through this six months, especially through the sleep deprived period.

With SBM, after so long, the initial feeling of a small yet strong family is finally back. Despite initial doubts about varying working styles, Shixiong has helped me pass this emotional barrier, because we're all here to complement one another. I would want to help SBM grow in terms of spiritual strength as well as manpower, while still remaining a closely knitted family.

Josh invited us to go to his churh on good friday on the basis of inter religious understanding, which comforted me a lot actually. Especially since I've heard so many heated debates between buddhists and christians on a personal level, it was really nice to have someone take the initiative to promote greater understanding among these religions. I think this is an example of mutual respect, not only just respecting other people, but their beliefs and religions as well.

Together with the recent boomz about the controversial discussion of Buddhism by a certain pastor, having some portion of the people stand up for religious harmony makes me feel very warm and fuzzy inside.

And ernest, I'm very sorry that I've been spending so little time with you, with work and Ycamp tight up my sleeves and Yoga sessions taking up our usual saturday chilling time. But all the more I treasure the time I spend with you, angsty or not, got things to do or not, quiet or noisy. Thank you so much for your constant reminders for me to rest, to sleep, to eat, they really mean a lot to me because I know that you care, even when I'm not with you. I'm really looking forward to Thursday boy, because we'll be out once more, after such a long time. =]

2010-01-22T00:03:00.002+08:00

they're nonsense to you but they keep me alive.

2010-01-10T16:58:00.001+08:00

motivate. motivate. motivate.

2010-01-02T23:51:00.000+08:00

Mabel is a very happy girl! says:
HAHA scatologist= a person who likes to talk about shit

Vindicare blue_avenger Kavvy Toufu_Master The harder you look, the better it hides says:
I KNOW
COS SCAT IS SHIT
LOL

Mabel is a very happy girl! says:
HAHA
all of you are scatologists!

heh. talking rubbish is fun.

2009-12-30T11:11:00.002+08:00

Once again another year as passed, marked by the continuous camping of Y Camp and CEP.

Y Camp: It was one of the slackest ycamps i've been to, albeit the lack of sleep, the motivation behind the camp stays the same. Benes are just so adorable =]

nuff said.

This comes super late but good job xinyi, you've done it. Believe in you, always.

CEP: It was the maddest CEP I've been to in many many many years, from campfire to messing to dharma, to 1 hour plus of GLing... it was so so so draining, but it's still extremely satisfying to see some campers inspired by shixiong's Anguilimala story and laughing at random jokes being cracked around camp. It's the CEP that I've wrapped the least water bombs, gotten the least sleep, eaten the least (normally i gain weight after CEP, especially when Zeming's ahma just continuously stuffs me with her many many kuehkuehs), but but but

IT ROCKED.

As the new year comes along, here comes my new year resolution:

1. Be a better girlfriend.
Camps plus meetings plus work plus everything else = no proper time for ernest. Stop taking out all my angsty-ness on him, continue to use tickling as a form of blackmail (bwahaha), stop being lazy.

2. Attend the very next 09S06I outing/ YCamp comm outing
I've been busy busy busy so busy then camp camp work work sick sick puke puke, I haven't been out with these bunch of people to play =(

3. Be nicer to my parents
I've a super bad habit of being super unmindful towards my parents. I promise i promise to be more polite to them, think in their shoes.

4. Run a happy June Ycamp 2010
Happy is always important, no happy, no success. Tired by happy, exhausting but happy, draining but happy, challenging but happy. Must be happy.

5. Give myself enough rest/ time to relax/ for myself
Been telling myself this for the past 4 years, and I shall continue doing so.

6. Keep my room at it's current tidy state.

7. Finish doing up Ernest's bday present.
I still owe him stage 3 of his birthday present.

That's a about it, a happy happy new year in advance to everyone!

2009-12-21T04:00:00.003+08:00

tangoing about that line,

that very thin line that marks my limit.

2009-12-12T10:48:00.001+08:00

She had to keep her hand against the wall so that she could keep herself sleeping sideways because it was too hot.

Yet I complain about simple pains such as my shoulder aching.

2009-12-09T11:46:00.002+08:00

OH. How can i forget to mention!

My holga's coming today. CHICKENCITED.

Set expectations

2009-12-09T10:59:00.002+08:00

I know I'm flooding my blog a tad too much but there's a lot of thinking going on in my head currently.

Tit: What's wrong with these people?
Tat: nothing unexpected
Tit: huh?
Tat:What's wrong with you?
Tit: huh?
Tat: Why expect people to be perfect?

Personally, I feel that many relationships and friendships fall apart because expectations set are not fulfilled.

Girl: Why are you talking so much to that girl?
Boy: Why can't I? She's just a normal friend to me.
Girl: Because you're my boyfriend.

Because the other party is your special someone, you expect him or her to understand your own expectations and idiosyncrasies, you make assumptions that he/she should know what you want him to be like. But does he? Probably not unless you've talked it out with him/her- amicably.

You expect him to send you home everynight and you're upset by the fact that he doesn't. Does he know it? Maybe to him, since you can go home by yourself when you didn't have a boyfriend, why is it necessary that he accompanies you all the way home- especially when it's super out of the way?

Because the person is your best friend, you expect him to be there for you whenever you are upset, regardless of what he was doing. Does he know? Maybe he had expected that you'd be more understanding. So many expectations that are not communicated, leading to even more unhappiness.

When your do not get fulfilled, that is when we feel the unhappiness come in.
It's just like our cravings, we hope to get something and when we don't, we feel upset by it, hence introducing suffering into our daily lives.

Sometimes we should learn not to expect and be contented with what there is. At other times, it could be necessary to set expectations, especially for work, so that there is a common goal that will help to facilitate. And maybe we should understand each other's expectations so that we can let them know its feasibility- so that we dont expect so much of one another.

Talk about it to your friends, your girl/boyfriends. To me, I think it helps =D

The bucket dilemma

2009-12-09T10:46:00.002+08:00

Tit: I dont have enough strength or patience!
Tat: Why not train your strength and patience?
Tit:I don't have enough strength or patience!

To cultivate, we have to make do with what we have and begin somewhere.
Same with doing work. Many a times we find ourselves lost at "Where should I start at?"
Anywhere is good, anywhere. Check this out

Liza: Henry! Fetch me some water!
Henry: There's a hole in my bucket dear Liza, dear Liza.
There's a hole in my bucket dear Liza, a hole.
Liza: Well, fix it dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry, Well, fix it dear Henry, dear Henry, fix it.
Henry: With what shall I fix it?
Liza: With a straw dear Henry.
Henry: The straw is too long
Liza: Well, cut it dear Henry
Henry: With what shall I cut it?
Liza: With an axe dear Henry
Henry: The axe is too dull dear Liza
Liza: Well, sharpen it dear Henry
Henry: With what shall I sharpen it?
Liza: With a stone dear Henry
Henry: The stone is too dry dear Liza
Liza: Well, wet it dear Henry
Henry: With what shall I wet it?
Liza: With water dear Henry
Henry: In what shall I fetch it?
Liza: In a bucket dear Henry
Henry: There's a hole in my bucket dear Liza, dear Liza.
There's a hole in my bucket dear Liza, a hole

Living in the present

2009-12-09T10:25:00.002+08:00

For the past few days, I've been witnessing occurrences in which there has been some miscommunication and new decisions have to be made on the spot.

There are some who are so engrossed about who said what in the past,
while others are engrossed about I said what in the past,
or I didn't say what in the past
or you didn't say what in the past
and nothing gets done while they insist on their own sides of the story.

The past is the past, when there is a situation, is there a need to argue about what occured in the past that will not solve the issue? Is there a need to blame others?

Wouldn't it be wiser and more efficient if people just let the past be the past, learn that communication should be effectively made in the future, and clarify with the others what should really be done?

A real life situation of living in the present.

Happily or Grudgingly?

2009-12-09T10:15:00.002+08:00

It's a choice ;)

Tit: I was waiting for a bus in the sun today.
Tat: Why not in the shade of the bus-stop
Tit: The angle was such that I had to be in the sun to look out for the bus- to flag it.
Tat: what happened next?
Tit: Two strangers came by and went into the shade.
Tat: So?
Tit: It was as if I had become their unspoken volunteer to look out for the bus while they enjoyed the shade!
Tat: So what did you do?
Tit: When i had enough of the sun, I went into the shade!
Tat: did any one of them take over to watch?
Tit: They didnt notice I wasn't watching for the bus any more!
Tat: so what did you do?
Tit: I went back to watch out for it
Tat: Happily or grudgingly?
Tit: More like normally, with an ordinary mind
Tat: How so?
Tit: It occured to me that if no one came to the bus-stop, I would need to wait for the bus in the sun anyway!
Tat: haha!
Tit: And there was no point missing the bus with two unmindful strangers!
Tat: It was simple generosity towards them too!

It's the same as... helping out in camps.
I've heard some complain about having to pay for camps when they are helping to organise.
Think about it- even if you didn't attend camp, you'd still have to spend about 10 a day on food, or your parents would have to when they cook for you. So it's reasonable to pay a minimum amount to cover your own food needs, no?

2009-12-07T23:15:00.002+08:00

Happy 21st Birthday Ernest!
Today is truly a day of worthy mention because it was the day that you were brought into existence, that has allowed me to enjoy your company, your love, and loving you. For the past (almost) four months I've been just thankful and contented that you're around, that I've got to know you and that we're together. I don't ask for more, just to see you, to love you more, and to enjoy your presence.

(Never)mind if your time is elastic, if you burp so loud, you're so noisy, it's probably the bad fengshui of Mount E. 21 years ago, on this night. And I realised I forgot to take photos today, but nevermind, because it'll be always in my heart, this first birthday of yours that we spend together.

Cheesecake's food for your tummy,
BBH's food for your soul.

I Love You, and Happy 21st Birthday.

2009-12-01T12:54:00.001+08:00

Ten more days to Y camp,
Eighteen more days to CEP, once again.
So many years of camping here and there have made me so numb to camps. Sometime soon I should join back as a participant and enjoy the essence of camps.

Applied for Youth for Autism, really hope to get it, it's gonna be a super experience that I will learn a lot from.

Exam's over and I'm feeling the stress.

2009-11-24T16:03:00.003+08:00

Okay A's are almost over and i have so much to say. Close the window if you get too lazy to read.

These two years of mine life have just zoomed past. It's not a car zoom- zoom. It's an rocket zoom kind of zoom. It zoomed way faster than the two years in preparation of my O levels.

Thinking back, it felt as if I just stepped into the huge compounds of RJ and got lost, repeatedly.
I have so many things to thank for.

Thank you sexy 6I
You guys have brought me so so much joy and laughter (albeit repeatedly teasing me for being short/dark/stupid) throughout the two years.

Dharshini- who attempts at chinese and go "wo3 have yi4 ge4 woof woof", who mistook a paperclip as a bobby pin and placed it on her head happily a few days ago, who goes "ooooh shiny shiny" at shiny stuff, who can't differentiate left and right. We're, gossip buddies, always. =D

Arathi- the GP queen, my awwa buddy who pangsehed me 70% of the time, but still, rambling about the children and bitching about the world, bus rides to awwa have been interesting. And, yes, I believe she's still bitching about her cartilage piercing at this point in time.

Cheryl- whom i've always thought her last name was skywalker until one day i realised it was supposed to be walker for Johnny walker. her random cheekiness leaves people with the o.o face and "DID CHERYL JUST DO/SAY _____"

Bhong- the fatty whom I'm pretty sure everyone has once called him for, one of my dear H3 mates whom, to this day, has yet to master the skill of not poking the tiger, someone i continuously rant to, complain to, bitch to, scream at. He's still fat, by the way. OH. yes. AMERICAN.

Junwen- the ogre whom I've spent a good lot of frustrating and amusing time with, he taught the fatty the trick of not poking the tiger and to find someone to tank before poking the tiger. He's renowned for his imba intelligence, ability to sleep everywhere and anytime with that flexible neck of his, and his emotions are determined by the amount of food and sleep he gets.

Pingfang- for her blackhole dimples that everyone's so amazed by and she's rather proud of.

Yingjie- she's known for mugging all the time, but never doing the subject that the lecture/tutorial is at, my PW group mate whom i've spent a tremendous amount of time with, being angry and irritated with ___, we scream at each other about it get back to work.

Kuanhua- he never drinks plain water. When i say never, i really mean it. Our class treasurer, see him and run if you don't want a hole in your pocket, he bites when speechless. Yajie's scandal, too bad for zhuyi.

Zhuyi- a guy who desperately tries to find a topic to talk to you about on the train and goes, "the weather very hot. okay, your turn to think of a topic". Thanks to his random act of sitting next to me in class one day and running into him on the train, i got quarantined for 7 days.

Michael bin- famous for nothing but his retardity and mega mugging. If you think I mug a shit lot, you have yet to meet this dude, the true blue terminator.

Chermaine kay- everyone just, laughs at her.

Bish- she's famous for her sinus- she carries a box of tissue out, in her hands, to school, to lunch.

Daryl- The class pet, he jumps so high, apparently there was once he saw a pretty girl while doing SBJ and jumped past the mat.

Yajie whom I've always ran away from because of her hugs, she amuses me in many many ways although I still seldom sit next to her for fear of her touching me.

Quek- he's mad, but he makes us laugh a lot a lot. he once had the aspiration to be the CEO of a toilet cleaning company (which he later denied). I even managed to kill him once in dota.

Quah- More affectionately known as mother/sister quah, his craters are always my inspiration to insult him. He worries like.. a lot.

Sihan- known for his really funny accent and bow, he's good at everything, and arathi's his english teacher, though he owns GP already.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Moving on, the two years have been my period of hard core volunteering- spent almost all my life doing volunteer work. Through YMCA, Y con, Y camp, Y outings, I've grown so much, learnt so much from my benes, from my fellow volunteers, from Eileen. The experience in YMCA has really helped me mature a lot more since the beginning of J1. Two years have flown and I'd like to especially thank Tom and Shaun for helping me open up in the committee.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And of course I have to thank those from SBM- who have relentlessly stood by me through the two years of good and bads, through my horrible planning of CEP08.

From this place where I learn, where I up my spiritual cultivation, where I have friends that I know I can depend and rely on, where I seek solace and comfort in, where my faith in the triple gems is strengthened.

I am truly grateful for having to join SBM- to learn the dharma, to practise the dharma. I don't know where I'd be and what I'd be doing right not if not for the guidance I've found from the triple gems five years ago, as an angsty, confused and rebellious teenager.

Through SBM I've, through a miraculous twist of fate, got to know Xinyi, who insists I love her which is true, whom I spend my thursdays with her mugging while she plays (and next week it'll be the other way round!)

and through a five year detour taken by karma, Ernest.
Thanks for your gummy bear deliveries.
Thanks for TAG.
Thanks for being Ernest.
Thanks for never failing to make me laugh even when I'm irritated that your time is elastic.
Thanks for being my caffeine replacement.
Thanks for being so tolerant of my mood swings and appetite swings.
Thanks for being my poking bag.
Thanks for the BBHs.
Thanks for being there through prelims and A's.
Thanks for making me a happier than ever girl.
Thanks for being part of my life.
Thanks for... everything =D

2009-11-23T09:35:00.001+08:00

no more econs ever!

2009-11-21T10:22:00.002+08:00

The rose- I love these portions of the lyrics, says a lot about life, says a lot about people, about fear, about courage, about trying and about living.

It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance.

It's the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance.

It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give,

and the soul afraid of dyin' that never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been to long,
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong,

just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snows lies the seed that with the sun's love in the spring becomes the rose.

everyone, stay strong, hang tough, live life. =)

2009-11-12T16:20:00.000+08:00

YAY!
Kudos to never touching GP ever
and completing chem p3 for the first time!

2009-11-02T21:20:00.000+08:00

I've got a lot a lot to say, & I promise I'll do it the moment i touch the computer after A's :)

2009-09-20T20:30:00.005+08:00

I've never had to worry about having sufficient to spend.
I've never had to juggle work and studies simultaneously so as to earn myself allowance.
I've never had to work for such a long period, although I'm so tired.

Hearing from him makes me feel really helpless, I want to help him but I don't know how to. Life's really too good for me, in such a comfortable home and spending a lot of money on nothing but food, while he has to earn his own allowances. He seemed so so weary from the long working hours.

May you be well and happy.

//edit: i'm itching to revamp my whole blog and photoshop for 72 hours. i feel inspiration flowing. Wait. post-it that for post-A's; if i even have time.

and klyn's blog:

Yes, I realise I'm being sentimental here.

So we went mugging together.

I really really missed the days spent with both Mopy and Ommie. (and listening to them converse is half the fun)

I miss you all, mugging, exploiting my brain for math, talking rubbish, whining, complaining, eating. meh. now YOU got me sentimental. aw. i want a big beary hug (hairy bug).

sidenote: klyn you no longer quack =(
and. I keep thinking about your cookies and cream nickname that i demand oreo. now.

2009-09-10T10:00:00.008+08:00

=DDD

Until today, I can vividly remember the lines of my character back in 2007.
I loved drama, and I still do. I fought my way into LD back in 2004.

It was the fun of taking up another character; to understand every single nuance and habit of that persona; to learn to speak like that him; act like him, laugh like him; become him once you step onto the stage that echoes a need to be filled with life.

But I've never been an outstanding actor in my 4 years of being in LD.

Thinking back, I realised why. It was the struggle to let go of the "me, I and myself" that held me back, that restricted me from taking the character of another fully, just for that 20 minutes.

To be honest if I stepped on stage once again, to do that play once more, I'm not sure if I'd be able to let go of that ginormous huge ego and attachment to self, but I'd love to try.

Then again, life's a stage, or at least many say so.
Time to learn to let go, pursue, make mistakes, learn.

& I aspire to.

The Tangerine art of mindfulness

2009-07-23T22:13:00.003+08:00

"When you children peel a tangerine, you can eat it with awareness or without awareness. What does it mean to eat a tangerine in awareness? When you are eating the tangerine, you are aware that you are eating the tangerine. You fully experience its lovely fragrance and sweet taste. When you peel the tangerine, you know you are peeling the tangerine; when you remove a slice and put it in your mouth, you know that you are removing a slice and putting it in your mouth; when you experience the lovely fragrance and sweet taste of the tangerine, you are aware that you are experiencing the lovely fragrance and sweet taste of the tangerine. The tangerine Nandabala offered me had nine sections. I ate each morsel in awareness and saw how precious and wonderful it was. I did not forget the tangerine, and thus the tangerine became something very real to me. If the tangerine is real, the person eating it is real. That is what it means to eat a tangerine in awareness.

Children, what does it mean to eat a tangerine without awareness? When you are eating the tangerine, you do not know you are eating the tangerine. You do not experience the lovely fragrance and sweet taste of the tangerine. When you peel the tangerine, you do not know you are peeling the tangerine; when you remove a slice and put it in your mouth, you do not know that you are removing a slice and putting it in your mouth; when you smell the fragrance or taste the tangerine, you do not know that you are smelling the fragrance and tasting the tangerine. Eating the tangerine in such a way, you cannot appreciate its precious and wonderful nature. If you are not aware that you are eating the tangerine, the tangerine i snot real, the person eating it is no real either. Children, that is eating a tangerine without awareness."

-Old Path White Clouds

I was reading this paragraph while eating an apple and it suddenly occurred to me- mindfulness is something so small, so subtle, so easily practiced, yet I have not been putting in a conscious effort to practise it and integrate it into my speech, actions and thoughts. At that point, my daily dosage of apple became exceptionally refreshing, the fragrence of the apple was never as distinctive as before and the juice felt... shiok.

It's something so simple, something that we can do without having to spend additional time on, we can do it in the midst of our daily lives, but, how many of us, including myself, actually fail to put in such an effort to live our every moment consciously? As much as it has been emphasised once and again that mindfulness is the fundamental practice of a Buddhist, sometimes, a reminder/refreshment course is needed to give ourselves a boost, and this little passage i read played the role of a milo bar amidst my insane mugging sessions.

So, I made a resolution, to make an exceptional effort to watch my actions, speech and thoughts.

Then i realised, I became a lot less noisier than before- when a thought arised, it disappeared at the very next instant and there was no need to speak of it. When I recalled something in the past, the awareness that I am being attached to something that is already over, allowed me to let go of the thought very naturally. When I find myself dreaming about what's for lunch, my attention turned back to the lecturer instantaneously. It never felt so easy to pay attention in class or concentrate on mugging. Whenever I felt tired/exhausted, that thought of exhaustion actually diminished and if I didn't hang on to it, my energy gets recharged! It was as if I was living every single moment afresh, every moment was a new beginning that was rid of the past and the future- it was.. sensational.

It was a mini nibanna. =D

Only with understanding can one love

2009-07-23T21:48:00.003+08:00

Without understanding there can be no love. Each person's disposition is the result of physical, emotional and social conditions. When we understand this, we cannot hate even a person who behaves cruelly, but we can strive to help transform his physical, emotional and social condition. Understanding gives rise to compasion and love, which in turn give rise to correct action. In order to love, it is first necessary to understand, so understanding is the key to liberation.

'Respected teacher, without understanding love is most difficult. It reminds me of something that happened to my sister Bhima. One night she cried all night long until my sister Bala lost her patience and spanked Bhima. That only made Bhima cry even more. I picked Bhima up and sensed that she was feverish. I was sure her head ached from the fever. I called Bala and told her to place her hand on Bhima's forehead. When she did that she understood at once why Bhima was crying. her eyes softened and she took Bhima into her arms and sang to her with love. Bhima stopped crying even though she still had a fever. Respected Teacher, I think that was because Bala understood why Bhima was upset and so i THink that without understanding, love is not possible.'

-Old path, white clouds

Scenarios like this have definitely occurred to me many times and I have to admit that impatience/frustruation/anger often manifests me whenever I fail to understand the need of the other party. I remember I once had a MINDS beneficiary who was hyperactive and almost non-verbal, all she could manage was "yes", "no" and all the rest she spoke came to me as "mama" or "papa". I tried to decipher what she was saying, tried to listen to her but I lost my patience after a couple of hours.

Come to think of it, many atimes, conflicts arise because we don't truly understand the needs of the other party and how the other person is looking at the picture. Otherwise, we don't understand what irritates another person and hence commit an action that incurs his/her wrath. If we could understand how another person looks at things, perhaps we could accept that there is an acceptable reason and hence make a compromise!

Even thinking of mugging, we only come to appreciate the subject only when we finally understand the underlying concepts and discoveries that make learning interesting!

SDBF 2009

2009-06-28T16:01:00.002+08:00

Spot the dog!

2009-06-23T22:06:00.002+08:00

I miss sbm. =(
I miss ycamp =(
I miss ycon =(

Y Camp Challenge June 2009

2009-06-21T19:02:00.002+08:00

Kungfu panda Kungfu panda
Ooh la la
Aye yie yie yie yie yie yie
Kungfu panda Kungfu panda
Ooh la la
Aye yie yie yie yie yie yie
Dum dum dum dum Panda!
Dum dum dum dum Panda!
Dum dum dum dum
Dum dum dum dum
Dum dum dum dum
Panda!

Y Camp this time was an entirely different experience for me, compared to last year's.
Day 1 was bad.
Day 2 was fine.
Day 3 was THE BOMB.

I have to admit it was a roller coaster ride, but I enjoyed the ride, the adrenaline rush, the excitement, the challenge and the sense of achievement.

I've learnt so much, despite the weariness from the physical exertion as well as the lack of sleep, I found it less tiresome to push my limits, because I was motivated- by each and every one of my beneficiaries; they put in all their efforts to overcome the obstacles and by every single one of my volunteers; the patience and encouragement they displayed to each and every single buddy in the group.

It was exhausting for us to take care of the buddies for these three days and two nights; what about their parents who have to take these roles every single day, without a break?

It was challenging for us to climb the elements and face our fears, what about our buddies? It would have been tougher.

Many times, when we felt down and tired, we needed encouragement. What about them? They would need ours too.

In fact, I'd like to share about my experience in this camp.
Armanda has cerebral palsy, so she was wheelchair bound and the activities that she could engage in were extremely limited, but she smiled through the day. She was happy, even watching her team mates climb on and fervently encouraged them.
When aiding her with her toileting needs, I knew that I brought her a lot of discomfort, she was shaking. I continuously apologised to her for causing her so much pain, but she never blamed me. She would encourage me on, she told me it was okay, she told me she knew I was trying my best. Her encouragement pushed me on. She taught me consideration, she taught me optimism, she taught me perseverance.

I shared my experience with her, the issues I faced in my personal life and she told me, time and again:
When you feel down, think of me.

Buddies can provide you with support and encouragement as much as you provide them with it.

I had a fantastic team together with me. My fellow forever hungry panda- Jing.
Huiying, Yuezheng, Miaoyin, Yeechuin, Joanne, Fionna, Daryl, Yanzhi, Eileen, Huihui, Ilham, Allan, Kanin, Winnie, Lisa.

You guys are really a great bunch, pushing on together, encouraging each other on, shouting your throat hoarse, opening up to the team, helping and looking out for one another, your sky high patience level, your perseverance. Thank you so so much.

Panda panda, wo ai ni.

I didn't want camp to end and I can't wait to see you guys again.

Y Confidence, I was upset to realise that, the chances of me seeing the girls once again were slim. I never knew that small little things that I did brought them so much, and their affirmation for me brought me a lot of encouragement to continue to strive on, and reach out.
They've truly left me foot prints in my heart, and I wanna thank them for this experience.

Six months passed so quickly and before I knew it, time was up. We've been through multiple sessions together, we've shared our experiences with one another, we've cheered one another on, we've broken the ice.

we've formed the SCB club.
we've become monkey and monkey baby buddies.
we've learnt from each other.
we've built a friendship.

Thank you so so much.

This is the closure of one phase of my life, and the opening of a better, more motivating and power packed one!

I'm happy, always because!

2009-06-14T22:04:00.002+08:00

CAMP LIONS

Y CAMP COMM

2009-06-02T23:40:00.000+08:00

Thank you for the times you've brought me says:
i no balls

Thank you for the times you've brought me says:
=.=

Cherm says:
lol you crazy girl!

Cherm says:
you no balls my ass!

Cherm says:
please you have balls of STEEL

=.=

2009-06-02T21:01:00.001+08:00

In April, Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 70+ birthday.. Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older.

And, there on television, she said it was 'exciting.'

Regarding body changes, she said there were many, occurring every day...like her breasts. They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist, first.

The audience laughed so hard they cried. She is such a simple and honest woman, with so much wisdom in her words!

Maya Angelou said this:
'I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow only if you want it to be.'

'I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things:weather, respect and lost luggage.'

'I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life . It is then you realize that no one can ever love and care for you more than they do. And that no one can ever replace them. I wish they were with me now!

'I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as 'making a life.'

'I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. So don't make the same mistakes again '

'I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back..'

'I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.'

'I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.'

'I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.'

'I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.'

'I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel , especially your loved ones .'

I'm fine and I'm picking myself up. Just.. give me some time. =]

2009-05-26T21:51:00.001+08:00

今晚的我会是如何入睡
原来最疼痛的表情
竟是没有情绪
原来最残忍的画面
可以甜言蜜语
影子讽刺地跟着我难分难离
原来最孤单的是
我还是那么想你
原来最悲哀的是我不能面对自己

2009-05-25T21:50:00.000+08:00

Yea, it was your sport, your passion, your life.

and I shouldn't have watched him play.

2009-05-25T16:57:00.001+08:00

what used to be warm.
is now icy cold.. it scares me.

2009-05-24T23:04:00.000+08:00

It was your sport, your passion, your life.

play on.

2009-05-23T22:51:00.002+08:00

Chermk once told me
Love is not when you can live with someone, but when you can't live without him.

Soledad

If only you could see the tears in the world you left behind
If only you could heal my heart just one more time
Even when I close my eyes
There's an image of your face
And once again I come to realise
You're a loss I can't replace

Soledad
It's a keeping for the lonely
Since the day that you were gone
Why did you leave me
Soledad
In my heart you were the only
And your memory lives on
Why did you leave me
Soledad

Walking down the streets of Nothingville
Where our love was young and free
Can't believe just what an empty place
It has come to be
I would give my life away
If it could only be the same
Cause I can't still the voice inside of me
That is calling out your name

Soledad
It's a keeping for the lonely
Since the day that you were gone
Why did you leave me
Soledad
In my heart you were the only
And your memory lives on
Why did you leave me
Soledad

Time will never change the things you told me
After all we're meant to be love will bring us back to you and me
If only you could see

Soledad
It's a keeping for the lonely
Since the day that you were gone
Why did you leave me
Soledad
In my heart you were the only
And your memory live on
Why did you leave me
Soledad

On usual days, she would stand before the Starbucks counter and stare at the list of brewed coffee, engraved into the wooden panels accompanied by chalk drawings. The staff would ask for her order and her first reply was always: Give me a moment, I've yet to decide. She would then find herself in her everyday dilemma: Mocha or Latte, though she would eventually decide on Latte because of its low fat content. For one and a half years, since christmas then, she has started drinking Latte instead of her usual, everyday dosage of Mocha.
She went to the counter, and found Mocha off the usual menu. She asked for it, but it was no longer served. She felt her heart plunge. She missed the way the chocolate fudge spiraled into the coffee, the way it was mildly sweet, yet not covering the delicate aroma of the coffee. If only she had Mocha instead of Latte for the past a year and a half. If only she wasn't so conscious about the fat content. If only, if only, if only...

it was too late.

She walked out of the cafe, feeling awkward without the boost of caffeine. She felt lost, weird.
She didn't even have the chance to tell him, she loved him, still.

2009-05-16T23:06:00.001+08:00

Now, I can understand why.

Furtwelee Bday!

2009-05-01T22:52:00.003+08:00

HAHA LOOK AT SIIAN'S EXPRESSION =D

Rock Concert

2009-05-01T22:50:00.004+08:00

PA Paddle Championships

2009-05-01T22:50:00.003+08:00

Y Camp Committee Bday Smashing

2009-05-01T22:41:00.004+08:00

WATCH THE VIDEO

2009-04-26T22:00:00.005+08:00

Happy Birthday Siian, Aaron, Jerome, Gina, Yihan, Yuze
... I'm not too sure who I missed out.

(heh aaron you're such a loser till now you're still stuck at me and you. LOL)

Thank you Weiyi, Honnie for the... very fashionable garments.
Thank you Sheena and Yiting for the non-pink bottle.
Thank you Lyn for the Choya.
Thank you Siian for being there to let me tease. HAHA.
Thank you Furtwelee, for making my birthday so special once more.
I MISS YOU GUYS DA BOMB. Thank you for the night out, I really loved sitting down and having a good chat with you all.. although 90% of the time you guys said I was retarded =(

Thank you SBM Youth
for the cup cake
For the super embarrassing and loud birthday song (I SHY)
For walking these many years alongside with me.
It felt very comforting to have Vesak@Orchard on my birthday. Although all I did there was mostly eat eat AND eat that it freaked Bixue out, there was this joy within myself, feeling really glad to see the Buddhist community come together for a mega gathering.

Thank you Shixiong and Pearly, I'm so so so tempted to just sit down and read the book and skip sleeping and school. LOL. don't worry I won't!

Thank you Y Camp Committee.. for shoving a vegetarian creamy cake up my nose in my hair in my ear in my face till I didn't know what happened....
For Chip and Dale and it's significance (HAWHAW)
For being there to cheer me on the few days before when I was emo-ing.
Yiwei, for making me dance in front of the campfire.... =.=

Thank you Kiyahh-splash,
For the encouragement you guys have been showing me through the sessions and especially the two competition days.

Thank you Pingfang, Bixue, Nabs, Saleha, Daryl, Junwen
For the cake + monkey card + balloon
I love balloons. they make me happy.

Pictures are coming later!

and today I realised, I'm over you.

I was suddenly thinking of, how i wished Christmas was here again two years back. Time has flown indeed, and looking back, Christmases have been.. eventful.

2009-04-22T21:37:00.002+08:00

He thought the match was a fair fight.
All of a sudden, he felt his head fly backwards, spinning like a roller coaster, his emotions going through the exact same ups and downs. Somewhere deep inside he knew, no matter how tired and exhausted he was, he ought to put it up, stay up with the aggressiveness and fight on till the last moment. He's been through such fights so many times, felt that he was finally on par with his opponent. Before he knew it, he was pinned so tightly to the ground that he could barely breathe, he felt suffocated. All he could feel was the pain pulsating through all his past injuries that he has sustained, it all crushed onto him.

He felt like giving up because the fight was just too tiring and torturous for him to bear..

2009-04-22T16:17:00.002+08:00

...........Every single time xinyi asks me out to mug
She ends up playing games because

"it's not my fault! I have nothing to mug"

I bet this woman just gets me out to sit in front of her and mug my ass off just so that she can enjoy this sadistic sense of entertainment.

Guess what? She has 12.

TWELVE

Tabs of games/shows on her mozilla currently.

NOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT FAIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

and now she goes "not fair lor, You're using my laptop now"

MEH

Birthday Dedications

2009-04-20T20:08:00.006+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HANGQI!

Time flies, I've first noted your presence in 2004, then from a ball you became a bamboo and now you're on your way back to being a ball once more.

I'm sorry I wasn't able to join you for Island Creamery today.
I realized that time has indeed flown and I'm truly thankful for your presence, although I only started getting to know you a few years back. The experience with you to hold camp was truly fulfilling, you're really a wonderful buddy to work with, someone who nudged me on emotionally when I felt so helpless, so emotional, so upset, when I felt that getting 80 campers was an impossible task.

You made me mug =(

Thank you hangflag, live happily, emo no more!!

Happy (Fifteen days late) Birthday Ogre!
You're getting fatter and lazier by the day. For some stupid reason I think you've been growing taller too. =(
Thanks for being a mobile punching bag, a porter between my mom and me, my daddy and me for Raffles fest, for being available to ask Math/Physics question.
Thanks for being there when I've had to handle so much.
Stop eating so much. And stop growing taller.

and. stop going "makan makan makan makan makan makan makan".
WAKEEEEEEEEE UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

2009-04-08T21:05:00.001+08:00

Sensing a need to seek guidance, to seek refuge from the triple gems.
I don't want to mug till i lose myself..

2009-03-23T16:09:00.009+08:00

=D GO GO GO!

2009-03-20T21:26:00.001+08:00

CTs are here. JIAYOU JIAYOU JIAYOU!
train mug train mug train mug train mug train mug

I'm thankful, I'm grateful. I'm jovial, blissful and blessed. To be there when I'm crying because I'm upset, and to be the reason for my tears of joy.

A tribute to SBM Youth

2009-03-01T22:17:00.003+08:00

Back in 2004, I was a typical teenager, one who loved to rebel, who thought the world was always against me and thus I should go against the world. I attended Sunday school, an obligation made by my mother and wouldn't dare to say that I benefited much from it. The wisdom I had was nowhere sufficient to interpret the lessons from Buddha's life on my own.

I joined both June and December CEP in 2004. I learnt of the significance of Buddhism in my daily life, I learnt how Buddhism could be applied in every little moment of my everyday life. It need not entail meditating for hours nor speaking the wisest words, but the mindfulness of my every thought, speech and action. Then, I joined SBM Youth.

There, I found refuge. I found peace. I experienced mindfulness. I learnt, truly, what was, the present.

From 2004 to 2005, I barely missed a single sharing session. There was so much to know, so much to find out about Buddhism, about Buddha and definitely, about myself. In 2005, I was a group leader for CEP for the first time. The fruits of my labour, seeing the campers learn and enjoy. I felt the bliss of spreading the Dharma to others. I learnt to appreciate the hard work put in by my previous GLs, Melon, Felicia Teo, Zeyan, Pearly.

In 2006, I lost my direction. I was blinded. I couldn't find my objective. I left myself to cool down. I talked to Lawrence and he told me: Don't worry, I believe that you can find your direction and I have faith that you will come back. True enough, I did.

Down to 2007, it was O level's year. To fight for my dream as a speech therapist, I studied. Studied. Studied. I didn't attend camps, because I was in Thailand.

Then to 2008, although I've been missing out so much, setting my foot into the premise of SBM still engulfs me with a sense of belonging, a sense of awareness that the Buddha is always there to impart his knowledge to me, together with my brothers and sisters in the Dharma. The year was a rough patch for the group. Together with Hangqi, we took up the role of Camp Master and Camp Mistress. It was tiring, I had so many (and too many) commitments, but everyone did their part to keep me going. Their energy, their vigor, their encouragement pushed me on. They'd insist that I study hard for my Promotional examinations and refused to assign me any work. We pulled the show off. The camp brought me so much closer to these brothers and sisters, I could sense the motivation in each and everyone of them to propogate the Dhamma.

Back to now, 2009, once more, I would be mugging like nobody's business. Together with commitments like YMCA, Hi-Y, Awwa, Special O's, and dragon boating, this bunch of people are still together with me, helping me along the way, people in Marcomm like Andrina, Felicia, Yuanyi, Zhenyu. The crazy guys like Hangqi, Kevin, Kaiwen, Vicky, Xiaohei, Ernest, Zhenglin. The older ones who's always ready to guide me whenever I need, Shixiong, Zeming, Zekui, Pearly, Zeyan, Alvin. The little ones who never fail to bring a smile to my face, diana, Shaun, Cleonn. The girls who are my hardcore mugging partners, Evelyn, Xinyi, Cherngshing.

And to every one else in Singapore Buddhist Mission (Youth), it's you, that have allowed me to very proudly tell the rest of the world:

I'm A Buddhist!!

2009-02-18T17:45:00.002+08:00

Xinyi's MSN had hangqi's name on it. So liangjian blurly went to talk to "Hangqi"..
after some confusion, Xinyi and I started talking to (and confusing) this old old boy.

withdrawal symptoms....Oblivious Whale... says (5:38 PM):
cant believe u are RJCian.. tsk...

XINYI ROCKS {MUGGING} says (5:38 PM):
it's called

XINYI ROCKS {MUGGING} says (5:38 PM):
RAFFLESIAN.

XINYI ROCKS {MUGGING} says (5:38 PM):
and two. it's now RI(JC)ian

XINYI ROCKS {MUGGING} says (5:38 PM):
HAHA

withdrawal symptoms....Oblivious Whale... says (5:39 PM):
watever it is.... u are still a disgrace to ur school lol

withdrawal symptoms....Oblivious Whale... says (5:39 PM):
hahahahahahaha

XINYI ROCKS {MUGGING} says (5:39 PM):
but im from np

XINYI ROCKS {MUGGING} says (5:39 PM):
HAHAHA

withdrawal symptoms....Oblivious Whale... says (5:40 PM):
=.=

withdrawal symptoms....Oblivious Whale... says (5:40 PM):
so u are xinyi la

withdrawal symptoms....Oblivious Whale... says (5:40 PM):
eh.... xinyi or mabel?

XINYI ROCKS {MUGGING} says (5:40 PM):
no im mabel

withdrawal symptoms....Oblivious Whale... says (5:40 PM):
=.=

withdrawal symptoms....Oblivious Whale... says (5:40 PM):
????

withdrawal symptoms....Oblivious Whale... says (5:41 PM):
then why np?

XINYI ROCKS {MUGGING} says (5:41 PM):
er. idk. xinyi talking rubbish

XINYI ROCKS {MUGGING} says (5:41 PM):
hahahhaa

withdrawal symptoms....Oblivious Whale... says (5:41 PM):
=.=

XINYI ROCKS {MUGGING} says (5:41 PM):
eh i gng ntu this fri

XINYI ROCKS {MUGGING} says (5:41 PM):
hahahaha

withdrawal symptoms....Oblivious Whale... says (5:41 PM):
=.=

withdrawal symptoms....Oblivious Whale... says (5:41 PM):
k.. i believe xinyi and mabel is using the msn

XINYI ROCKS {MUGGING} says (5:41 PM):
ignore the ntu part

XINYI ROCKS {MUGGING} says (5:41 PM):
meant to be for xiong

withdrawal symptoms....Oblivious Whale... says (5:41 PM):
=.=

XINYI ROCKS {MUGGING} says (5:42 PM):
hell we're mabel onglee xinyi

XINYI ROCKS {MUGGING} says (5:42 PM):
*hello

XINYI ROCKS {MUGGING} says (5:43 PM):
HAHA onglee pineapple

XINYI ROCKS {MUGGING} says (5:43 PM):
HAHAHAHA

withdrawal symptoms....Oblivious Whale... says (5:43 PM):
yeah... i realised that

withdrawal symptoms....Oblivious Whale... says (5:43 PM):
!@#%^

XINYI ROCKS {MUGGING} says (5:43 PM):
oh wait

XINYI ROCKS {MUGGING} says (5:44 PM):
actually

XINYI ROCKS {MUGGING} says (5:44 PM):
we're

XINYI ROCKS {MUGGING} says (5:44 PM):
mabel ongleechua cherngxinyi

XINYI ROCKS {MUGGING} says (5:44 PM):
=D

withdrawal symptoms....Oblivious Whale... says (5:45 PM):
=.=

withdrawal symptoms....Oblivious Whale... says (5:45 PM):
waste my time...

withdrawal symptoms....Oblivious Whale... says (5:45 PM):
LOL.....

XINYI ROCKS {MUGGING} says (5:46 PM):
hahahha your time precious meh

withdrawal symptoms....Oblivious Whale... says (5:46 PM):
no.. just tat talking to you 3 is a waste of time

withdrawal symptoms....Oblivious Whale... says (5:46 PM):
LOL!!!!!

withdrawal symptoms....Oblivious Whale... says (5:46 PM):
or u 2

withdrawal symptoms....Oblivious Whale... says (5:46 PM):
or 1 of u

withdrawal symptoms....Oblivious Whale... says (5:46 PM):
or any of u

withdrawal symptoms....Oblivious Whale... says (5:46 PM):
hahahaha

2009-02-16T20:18:00.003+08:00

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Kaiwen: I will whack you till your fats wobble for five days!

For some reason, all I have left of you and I is friendship and it's gonna remain this way, at least for now.

2009-02-10T21:36:00.000+08:00

Travelling home today was the bomb.

6.20: Saw 961, stood up and Junwen just refused to stand up until the bus was at the stop. When the bus approached, it zoomed past us. o.o

wait. wait. wait.

around 6.55: another 961 came. but it was too full.

.......we just waited and waited and 961 NEVER came.

so we ended up taking 67 to CCK. D=

LAZINESS IS NOT GOOD.

2009-02-10T21:14:00.000+08:00

I went running to take my timing.
After plodding through that 2.4km, I realised- I accidentally stopped my timer halfway.

Then I was ranting to Xinyi, who said:

Very easy, I teach you! RERUN LAH!

hahaha.. copied the convo but accidentally posted it on house blog instead of this blog. So paiseh =/

http://moor-tarbet.blogspot.com

2009-02-07T23:35:00.009+08:00

CAROL!

DONNNNAAAAAAAAAA =D

JO!

HAHA. Hmmmm...

SHEENA BANANANANA

SHEENA AGAIN!

All sheena cares about is the camera while lyn was... I don't know what she was doing

Hee. I told wy she could poke the candle in the jelly and make one more wish!

Ommie's Birthday is no longer happy

Me exhibiting my wonderful brownie cutting skills with forks!!

Kuolyn's meal

Sheena's meal

MINE!

KUOLYN!!!

WE IS THE LOVE <3s

BIRTHDAY GIRRRLLL

I MADE IT I MADE IT I MADE IT

I POKE YOUR DSLR

Sheena, happily fed by me, as usual.

2009-02-01T21:14:00.002+08:00

Furtwele. The fantastic memories of mugging together, making Mrs Chang so stressed up that she told us:
Stop looking at the wooden door!

When she brushed her fringe aside and showed us her pimple: You see this big pimple here? I'm so strrrrrressed that it's here.

The times when we tried to argue with Mr Eric Tan and he'd reply:
Don't you try to outbitch me because I'm older and I can bitch better.

And Miss Koh showing us the photographs from her backpacking trip after she graduated and telling us about the story in which she became "Pregnant".

and Rosary has her little pigs that she calls Pong Pong.

Siian repeatedly nodding off in class and we'll use all kinds of weird methods to wake him up.

Vivian and Eggy bickering with each other with me sandwiched in the middle.

Zippy scratching his head.

How we all pledged to protect Mrs Chang.

Ziwei boxing Bo Zhao.

The soccer socks day.

Elaine and I wishing each other "Buddha Bless You".

How we skipped school to go mug in JRL and Mrs Chang would offer to go down and teach us math.

Mr Aurelius Yeo telling us his sad life stories.

The SYF rehearsal day Sarah and I refused to remove our 60 over red little plaits on our head.

It's a truckload of memories that fourtwelve has left me with, I really wished that time just freezed at that point in time, we'd forever be there, with our two plaits. So much tears, so much laughter. Love you, Fourtwelve oh seven.

At work, donna is sooooo adorable. She was so tired she was speaking to the Valentine's Day teddy.

Me: Donna! The peanut butter very hard to press today =(
Donna: hm..... the peanut butter go celebrate Chinese New Year Already!

Then we were having a war with the colour ball, trying to see who could blow it over the counter. HEE.

2009-01-30T21:54:00.001+08:00

Mabel is a happy girl!! says:
tmr swimming time?

Evelyn♥ says:
8am at my house? then we swim in the bath tub.

Evelyn♥ says:
HAHAHAHHAA

=.=

2009-01-29T20:10:00.000+08:00

It was kind of cute.

2009-01-28T19:31:00.003+08:00

Jw: Retarded with a capital G!

?!!

2009-01-25T23:53:00.002+08:00

Directions: Once you’ve been tagged,
you have to write a note with 16 random things,
facts, habits, or goals about you.
At the end, choose 16 people to be tagged,
listing their names.

MABEL. Memememe.
1. I have an extreme fear of butterflies.
2. I've lost my voice since Y Camp (12 Dec) and it has yet to recover
3. Ommie calls me mopy because it's Mabel Ong Pei Yu.
4. I want to be a speech therapist.
5. I fractured my writing arm a week before PSLE.
6. I love drama and theatre.
7. I can put my fist into my mouth.
8. I love desserts to the max.
9. I'm a caffeine addict.
10. I find it very uncomfortable to walk bare-handed. If i have nothing in my hands, I tend to clench my fist.
11. I like running.
12. I'm sick, again.
13. I love kids.
14. I like mugging. Somehow.
15. I laugh a lot. =D
16. I'm very injury prone.

2009-01-25T20:56:00.002+08:00

[c=2]<=Vincent=>[/c] says:
omg.. some Cow pls help mabel.. she is a mugging freak

[c=2]<=Vincent=>[/c] says:
knock some MOo sense into her..

[c=2]<=Vincent=>[/c] says:
haha

Mabel is a happy girl!! says:
what?! what link?!

[c=2]<=Vincent=>[/c] says:
Cow link

what the hell zhenglin! haha

2009-01-25T19:12:00.000+08:00

The bustling of activities on teevee simply brings out the hollow silence echoing through the room, deafening all of us.

It's scary.

2009-01-25T11:46:00.003+08:00

I think Carol and Donna were really amused by Vicky, Ernest and Xiaohei. These guys really helped time fly much more quickly in the shop. =D

I actually forgot that it ever existed.

2009-01-22T16:22:00.003+08:00

H3. Bad bad experience with Bhong, Junwen and Muzzie (i have no idea how to spell his actual name). Not good, not good! We decided to be crazy and take 5-7pm tutorials on fridays, when our lessons end at 1130 =.=

Hydro yesterday with the kids and Andrina was really fun. Love them. (NO, not you andrina, the kids. =P)

School was crazy today. I couldn't help laughing at all the stupid things that Bhong and Junwen were doing. For half the day junwen was knocked out and the other half he was extremely high and insane, freaking noisy.

Then it was the photo-taking part. Zhuyi really has some flour baby face that he can twist according to however he wants it.

The 5 emotions that the guys were to do: Happy, Angry, Sad, Horny and Anything.

omg i laughed so much i was tearing =.=

2009-01-19T21:57:00.003+08:00

Latte and mocha do not co-exist. The latter's rich chocolate will tip the delicate taste of the former.
Mocha was for happy days and latte for the sad.
It's the other way around now.

2009-01-15T18:54:00.002+08:00

His speech was short. However, it was inspiring and his strength moved me to tears. Lawrence sent me this clip, in the past, he has guided me, taught me a lot that the Buddha taught, encouraged me, moved me on. Thanks Lawrence, for you and your video clip.

To my friends, from from SBM, from Nan Hua, from RJ, we've gone through the promotional exams, we've gone through the O levels, some might have soared while others fell. Let's put the past behind us, and tackle this 2009 with strength, with determination, with an objective. Let us support one another through the A's, 6I, together. For those who've gotten just received their results for O's, it's the beginning of another round of battles. Let's keep up our energy, and CHIONG AH!